Radio Silence

Dear you,

I heard that you think radio silence might be best because you are hoping not to hurt me more than I'm already hurting but it's doing the exact opposite.

Every moment I don't hear from you is like a knife in my heart.

Every time I check my email I'm praying for a message. Praying for an update on our kids. God I miss those sweet faces. I don't know how to live without you and our kids. I just don't.

Every time I check Facebook I hope you'll have messaged me. Tell me you've received the package for the kids. Tell me that you liked their shirts or that the cats like their toys.

Maybe you'll tell me about school and how it's going.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just be left here struggling not to scream. Fighting a losing battle against constant tears and sobs.

Days like today where all I could do was focus on breathing. I've never felt so alone.

You are my best friend and the only person who didn't judge me. I could tell you everything.

Now I have nothing. My actions or lack there of have left my family angry or disappointed in me. Out of two friends, one hasn't spoken to me since before my birthday and the other is trying to shove lawyers down my throat.

Please. I can't do this.

I need you.

- me