Foundations

Had a conversation about the foundations of marriage yesterday.

Ugh it doesn't even matter about the stupid conversation. I just miss him.

I miss EVERYTHING about him. I miss his habits and the feeling of his body. I miss him being angry bc I interrupted him, I miss hearing him talk to the kids. I miss his intelligence and asking him about school.

I just feel dead. It makes it hard it to want to just end it. I don't even care about the stupid suicide contract I signed. I'm just tired of missing him. I'm tired a hearing him, smelling him or feeling him in my dreams. I'm so very tired of waking up without him.

I'm just tired.