Whoa

It's 5:22am.

I just got home from my sister and brothers place. I attempted to play mediator between them for a disagreement.

I just. My heart is beating so fast.

I saw Ryan and I.

I saw my brother telling his fiancee that he loves her, that he wants to be with her. I then saw my sister shake her head and not believe it.

I did that. I was there. I refused to listen and hear Ryan tell me that he loved me because I wanted it in a different way... When all along he was saying it the only way he knew how.

I'm so scared for them. I'm so scared she won't hear it in time. I'm so scared she'll make my mistake and he'll just finally give up.

I did that. I pushed and pushed and finally I broke him.

I cracked the foundation.

Ryan I am so sorry. I know that this is too little too late for us. I know that I pushed you to a point that you had to hardened your heart against us to legitimately survive.

I'm sorry I couldn't see that what you were giving was what I wanted just in a different form.

I hope she sees it before it is too late. I wouldn't wish this heartbreak on anyone.