How does one feel alone in a world of billions? As I stare up at the ceiling, I can hear Rooney and Penelope breathing and the tears start rolling down my cheeks. So alone.
It's nights like tonight that I miss him more then anything. I miss my friend. Even the nights after he left, when our relationship was new and long distance, didn't hurt like this. They hurt like hell but I never felt so alone and empty. I knew he was a phone call away, an email or a text message that would be returned when he was able.
Now, it is nothing. I became nothing to him, an inconvenience of time and energy. Easier to forget then to spend time thinking about.
Why must I lay here thinking of him? Wondering how he is and if he is smiling enough. Wondering if someone is remembering to buy him Reeces or appreciating his sense of humour. Is someone waking up every morning thanking whatever god there is that he is there beside them? He deserves that. He deserves someone to appreciate the beauty of his soul, the complicated, beautiful mess that he is.
I miss my friend. I miss my lover. I miss my partner in ever laugh, giggle and smile.
I lay here unable to imagine how I will ever feel whole again. I am so tired of missing him, so tired of experiencing something and my first thought being that I want to tell him about it.
How much can a heart hurt?
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